Certainty

This post is not about motherhood. It is about how two people can have different opinion about the same thing. Like Baruch  Spinoza quoted, 'No matter how thin you slice it, there will always be two sides.' It is just about perception. My good can be somebody else's bad and vice-versa. And in this relative emotiveness , sometimes we find people whose emotions match us.

There are two characters. She, who is not sure of this love. And He, who has got nothing but this love.

'Loving you is very risky', she said once

'Mystery of my life is that how did you become the most certain thing I'd ever known', he answered.

Life lessons Ridhiema taught me

They (legends and experienced people) say child is the father of man. I so agree to this. I have learnt so many things from Ridhiema. Patience to start from. Okay, I still have not reached the optimum levels of being called a 'patient' individual, still those who know me would swear that I have come a long way :P

Apart from that, there are a lot of things that I have learnt with Ridhiema. Here goes the learnings:

• When you want something, make a lot of noise. 

Well, it does work. Really. Always. Like if Ridhiema wants me to play with her and I tell her I am tired. She will keep on asking for what she wants till she gets it. So it is like this, if you want something let the world know that and keep asking. In all likelihood, you will get it. 

• Forgive and move on.

Such a big lesson. Such a small child! I scold her sometimes, out of my frustation, tiredness or other reasons. I feel bad after doing that and feel Ridhiema would hold a grudge against me. But such is her big heart that she forgives me and gets on to things that amuse her. Shortly she comes to me asking me to hold her, as if she has understood that if I scolded her it was for a reason. She teaches me not to carry negativity and move on in life.

• Life is a mess (most of the times). But don't panic

This is a standard thing in our house. Be it her eating, bathing, playing, there has to be a mess. She is so cool after the mess, as if in her way she tells me, 'Mom, it happens!'. Well yes darling, mess happens in life and you got to be cool to clear it.

• Love with all your heart. Unconditionally.

This is a very big thing. We all know this, but as adults, we knowingly sometimes unknowingly, manipulate emotions, expect a lot in return of our emotions, judge as per our convenience. But a child never does that. She loves with all that she has with all your flaws and shortcomings. No matter how rosy or gloomy life is for her, she comes back to you.

• Don't hesitate to show that sparkly smile.

We (mature people) are very choosy when it comes to showing our emotions. How we smile, how much we smile, to show/ not to show emotions in front of someone/ not in front of someone. But Ridhiema teaches me to always smile when you want to smile. To cry when you want to cry. People won't judge you for doing that. Those who do, can go and take a walk in the nearest park!

Thank you Ridhiema. I have a lot to learn from you :))

His words

I wrote this poem sometime back. Found it. Sharing it.

What can I expect from you she asks
Honesty, Loyalty, Love and Care
He replies.
And she smiles for she understood the meaning of truth.

She thinks of him and his words
Long after he has gone
She lies awake
Trying to make the turbulence in her sleep.

His words are her blanket
Slowly she wraps them around herself
The inner turbulence has slept for now
But it will come back, she knows.

His words will shield her
Now that he is not around
Those words he uttered found way into her heart
And now keeps her alive, long after he has gone.

Perhaps that is what is love.

PS: Current state of mind! 

For the love of 'her'

When I was in my early twenties, life was really carefree. I had friends, and boyfriend, and a job, and a loving family. I had friends and cousins getting married and having babies. Though it was a sweet thing to see, having my own baby was not still on the agenda. I was not confident holding a baby, forget raising one! 

So when I had my own last year, the scepticism of holding and raising 'her' faded as if it was never there. I never imagined how much having a child would change my life and perspective towards people and things. I have quit my job of ten years and I am taking care of 'her' fulltime. Well, leaving job was mainly because of personal reasons (that I leave for another post). Anyhow, regardless of many ups and downs and still not near stability, last one year has been very satisfying when I look at 'her'.

Being a mom, a good mom (I dread as I write this), takes a lot of hard work. Any fertile girl/woman of child bearing age has a chance of bringing a baby into this world. But motherhood is difficult. It is the most difficult task I have ever tried in my life. There are days when I whine, snap, complain and crib about a lot of things and even need a shoulder to cry on, but in the end, when I look at 'her', it is all just worth it :)

PS: We call 'her' Ridhiema